Dirty Sheets

Posts Tagged ‘what does this have to do with writing?’

A picture of a hirsute young man, masturbating and using a dildo/vibrator and a video of another, less-hairy guy doing the same thing with a buttplug instead.

I’m posting these here because I don’t often see men using toys. I mean, I know they do, since you can buy all sorts of things designed specifically for prostate massage and the like.

I wanted to mention the video specifically because the person who posted it (either the original poster to Xtube or the Tumblr poster) titled it with “str8″ guy plays with butt plug. This bothers me because last I knew whether you derive pleasure from having something in your ass wasn’t tied directly and irrevocably to your spot on the Kinsey scale.

The other thing about the video is that I didn’t watch the whole thing. It’s not because it’s bad, it’s just that, well… The guy pulls the buttplug out of his ass, and, as far as I can tell he LICKS it before he puts it back.

I’m a virgo and I’ve been through food-handler’s licensing twice. I can deal with rimming by telling myself over and over again that they’ve washed, but this was beyond the pale and I simply couldn’t go any further. It’s a squick I just won’t ever get over, and that’s okay. As ever, if you think it’s hot, by all means please enjoy yourself, but I beg you: DO NOT TELL ME about it. Okay? Thanks, I love you too.

Impetus Inconcessus.

This is simultaneously one of the most confusing and somewhat disturbing pictures I’ve seen in a long time. It’s not violent or gory or anything — it’s a rather arty black-and-white close-up shot of what looks like a stainless-steel manual orange juicer, being inserted into a woman’s vagina* — but all I can think of is that the juicer is likely cold and I KNOW it has a sharpish point and and and…

Yeah. So I think it’s strange, not arousing. But if you like it, knock yourself out!

* It only now occurs to me that, as only women posess vaginae, this is redundant. However, only mentioning the vagina by itself makes it sound as if there’s nothing else around, just this poor little orphan body part wandering around on its (her?) lonesome.

Hi. I’m Mausie and I am WEIRD.

I don’t need saccharine romantic story lines to get wet – I want to see relatable people and fucking. When I look at porn, I want to see people getting sweaty, aroused, smiling and laughing, being “imperfect”, and in realistic locations and situations, not a “fantasy hay loft where the muscular stable boy makes sweet gentle love to me while never ruffling my feathered hair.”

- via sex is not the enemy.

tose picture on xtube where guys are taking pics wth like, markers and other weird shit in their ass AINT hot. – pagingdoctorfaggot.

I’m not a huge fan of them, either — there’s a picture that crops up on Tumblr from time to time of a young man with a half-inch flat-wash paintbrush handle in his ass, and every time I see it my reaction is ‘That is NOT how you use that brush!’ — but I can understand why it happens.

When you’re young, you use the sex toys you have to hand — markers, hair brushes, paint brushes.

Sometimes you still do, later, if you’re shy, if you don’t have a credit card, if you live with people who open your mail, if you’re broke… There are dozens of reasons that someone can’t get their hands on a real dildo.

Hell, I was in my late twenties before I bought my first real toy. I ordered it online, with a card linked to a private bank account (rather than the joint account I share with my mom), and the charge/packaging was all very discreet and innocuous.

I was STILL nervous/freaked out when it arrived. I’ve owned it for years (and I’ve been thinking about getting a new one), but I can remember how it felt to order it and to get it in the mail.

I’m extremely lucky, I know this. My mother is incredibly respectful of my privacy; she doesn’t go through my mail or drawers or online statements. I could buy myself a new toy and not have to worry about her finding out about it.

Not everyone has the luxury of that kind of privacy, though. They do what they can with what they have, and more power to them.

The word “slut”, to me, has never meant “a woman who enjoys sex”.

No, for whatever reason, my definition of “slut” has always been “someone who sleeps with anything that moves and has absolutely no taste”. I have NO IDEA how I arrived at that conclusion, either.

This post brought to you by Pasithee’s declaration that she’s a slut. (By her definition, yes; by mine, no.)

“Frat buddies in bed” fromgayforit.com, via eroticoddities.

It’s about 20 minutes long, and the first half is by turns sweet/tender and creepy. The second half is just straightforward wanking, though it does feature something I’ve never seen before — a guy not-quite-fingering himself.

The first half is creepy due to the fact that guy A is jerking off to guy B, except that B happens to be asleep (theoretically). A moves the blanket, pulls down B’s undies, kisses his shoulder/neck, and touches his ass… But B is asleep, so he can’t consent to any of it, which is what strikes me as creepy.

The sweetness comes in because A moves slowly, touches him gently, and when he’s done, he covers B up again. It’s weird, and it makes me feel odd because on the one hand, non-con; on the other, he’s not hurting the guy… But it’s not healthy to excuse non-con behavior and and and…

On the other other hand, it’s freakin’ porn. It’s probably staged as all get-out, and we can assume that the participants have consented to what happens. Also, I’m probably thinking WAY too hard/much about this.

A very short video (just over one minute) of a cute boy masturbating. The cutest part to me, though, is the expression on his face when he’s getting ready to start and at the very end. He clearly feels like he’s getting away with something, and he loves it.

I don’t know about the sound, because I had to mute it, but it’s great even without aural accompaniment.

Also, I’m pretty sure that Max’s first ever wank-video is a lot like this one.

The M/M video embedded in this post at Wanking Material is forty-five minutes long. Not every one of them is hot, but a LOT of them are.

It’s also a rather unique video in that I saw the following, none of which I’d ever encountered before:
– During the requisite blowjob portion, the guy going down went too far, gagged, and had to take a moment to wipe his eyes before getting back to it.
– Fingering! One and two! Seriously, you almost NEVER see prep in anal videos.
– The bottom’s cock was dripping.
– When it was the dark-haired guy’s turn to bottom, it sounded like he asked the light-haired guy to come in his ass. (I could have misheard him. I’ll be watching this again, eventually, so I’ll check. The top didn’t, of course, because that would have been entirely too novel for a porn vid.)

Some caveats, before you run off to watch it:
– The camera-work is SERIOUSLY amature. There’s one point at which the cameraman just about turns himself inside out to avoid getting more of the lighting equipment in the shot (never mind that about a minute and a half before he didn’t notice that he’d gotten the bases of the lights…); then not too long after that there’s a dizzying shot that basically shows off the entire room.
– Some of the editing is irritating, too. The only cut that I have any real issue with is the one that occurs at about the thirty-minute mark, because it made me feel cheated.
– If you’re like me and DO NOT WANT to hear anyone except the performers, be warned that there’s at least one instance (around the 35 minute mark or so) of someone off-screen telling them what to do. (I had to mute the first 25 minutes, so I don’t know about the rest of it.)

Points Of Interest:
– No music, if you like/hate that kind of thing.
– Check out the clock on the wall above the loveseat – it’s either broken or doesn’t have a battery.
– Lube! (On the hearth.)
– Really odd/eclectic decor. Not horrible, just unusual.

Even if, some days, I can’t remember WHY. I have this piece of writing I’m working on, and having discovered Queerty yesterday — or more to the point, their Morning Goods posts — I thought I’d poke around and see if I could find some inspiration (or at least some nice eye-candy). This post, about Sam Handley’s rather ill-considered decision to join an amature porn site, caught my eye.

I clicked through, facepalmed over the story (Oh, you silly man!), checked the pictures (of course), and then I read only the first comment. *Headdesk* I didn’t mean to do it, because I really do know better than to read comments on the ‘net.

The first comment says, “Don’t fire him because he did porn. Fire him because he did bad porn.” Dude. It’s AMATURE porn. Not professional. He took those pictures himself, (or he had a friend help, but I suspect it’s the former). They’re not professional, but they’re not, by default, bad. In fact, personally, I kind of like them as they are. I would have recommended that he put his feet down in the first one and gone with more of a help-my-undies-are-falling-off look in the second, but that’s totally my own preferences shining through, there. *Waves a hand*

The thing about the pictures, for me, is the way he looks–not his muscles, or the way his face is put together, but the expression on his face. Well, that and his haystackish hairdo, but that’s beside the point. He seems to know that the poses are kind of cheesy and typical, and he seems a little embarrassed, but he’s not letting it stop him, either.

Just because it’s not pro doesn’t make it bad — there are hundreds of thousands of artists out there who’re hobbyists, not six-figure graphic designers or whatever. Does that make them “bad” artists? Not hardly.

Seriously. No one wants to hear this. Also, it’s one more item on the big list of things I can’t tell my mom (because while I’m sure she’d commiserate with me, that would just be awkward). But I need to get it off my chest, and this is about the only place I can do so. I don’t care if you skip this; I recommend you do. I’ll post a Bart/Sylvie smutblob next to make up for my last few posts being so arousing-in-a-different-way.

If you do plan to read this, have a POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: Rape is mentioned. Nothing graphic, but just so you know.

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