Dirty Sheets

Posts Tagged ‘Sex In General’

So, smirky one first: I have this character who declared that he wasn’t sure why, but he likes the way it looks when toppings run over the edge of a cup/glass/cone/cake/etc. After I wrote that, I was looking at pictures and saw a few that featured semen dripping down the backs of guys’ fingers. Et voila, I knew what he found compelling.

Not Smirky: I have this character; let’s call him Nollie Prettypanties (no, it’s not his real name; now I kinda want to have a drag queen/king with that name, though…). Nollie’s fairly kinky, and one of his more recently discovered kinks is that he likes dressing up in women’s underthings.

He likes it primarily because his boyfriend tells him how hot he looks and calls him things like ‘pretty’ and ‘lovely’ and ‘mine all mine’, but he likes the way the fabrics feel and the colors and that sort of thing. He doesn’t have to wear them all the time, but he enjoys it when he does.

As a result of Nollie’s predilection for, well, pretty panties, I’ve poked my nose into all kinds of different lingerie shops online. Cute things, pretty things, unusual things; I’ve saved pictures of all sorts of different styles. About the only thing they’ve had in common is that none of them will fit me.

And this is where the discovery comes in: to an extent, Nollie’s a stand-in for me. He gets to wear the pretty panties and the gorgeous bras that no one wants to sell me. He gets to have someone look at him, in these clothes, and tell him how incredibly desirable he is, how sexy and arousing. He gets to be called pet names, given pleasure, and generally be loved.

If I didn’t know that my situation was pretty much my own damn fault (except for the bra thing, because it’s not like I chose the size of my ribcage), I’d be far more upset than I am. Mostly I’m just kind of sad, really. I’m also glad, though, because despite the fact that Nollie gets the things I want, he’s very definitely NOT me, nor is he a Gary Stu.

xkcd: Porn For Women.

This is awesome and must be passed around as much as possible, because, seriously. In my porn, people fuck. And they LIKE it.

A picture of a hirsute young man, masturbating and using a dildo/vibrator and a video of another, less-hairy guy doing the same thing with a buttplug instead.

I’m posting these here because I don’t often see men using toys. I mean, I know they do, since you can buy all sorts of things designed specifically for prostate massage and the like.

I wanted to mention the video specifically because the person who posted it (either the original poster to Xtube or the Tumblr poster) titled it with “str8″ guy plays with butt plug. This bothers me because last I knew whether you derive pleasure from having something in your ass wasn’t tied directly and irrevocably to your spot on the Kinsey scale.

The other thing about the video is that I didn’t watch the whole thing. It’s not because it’s bad, it’s just that, well… The guy pulls the buttplug out of his ass, and, as far as I can tell he LICKS it before he puts it back.

I’m a virgo and I’ve been through food-handler’s licensing twice. I can deal with rimming by telling myself over and over again that they’ve washed, but this was beyond the pale and I simply couldn’t go any further. It’s a squick I just won’t ever get over, and that’s okay. As ever, if you think it’s hot, by all means please enjoy yourself, but I beg you: DO NOT TELL ME about it. Okay? Thanks, I love you too.

I don’t need saccharine romantic story lines to get wet – I want to see relatable people and fucking. When I look at porn, I want to see people getting sweaty, aroused, smiling and laughing, being “imperfect”, and in realistic locations and situations, not a “fantasy hay loft where the muscular stable boy makes sweet gentle love to me while never ruffling my feathered hair.”

- via sex is not the enemy.

So I’ve got this strange thing happening here in my head. Here’s how it goes:

– Filament Magazine needs more money so they can switch to a publisher who’ll print pictures of guys with erections.

– I have, in the past, not been terribly excited about Filament, due to the whole ‘let’s objectify everyone!’ thing.

– I watch porn. I like watching porn (or at least I like watching the good porn that I’ve found).

– If I could, I would start my own porn company that specializes in the kind of stuff that I find hot.

– Most people tend to agree that porn objectifies people. (I think sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends.)

– So if I like/watch/want to create porn AND I do NOT like/want to objectify anyone… Why haven’t I been rendered incapable of coherent thought by the cognitive dissonance?

Maybe I’m a terrible feminist? Maybe I’m more flexible in my thinking than I first suspected? Maybe it’s just that I’m confused? It’s very strange.

– I like to look at the junk in the background of clips. Sometimes it’s because I recognize things (“Hey! That [item] is from Ikea! Hee!”); other times it’s because I can’t figure out what the hell I’m looking at (“Is that a lamp? No, it’s surfboard. No, that’s a surfboard; that other thing’s a lamp. I think.”); and sometimes it’s because I really like whatever it is (“I really wish I know how to find out where they got that [whatever]“).

– I watched a clip with loud cheesy music. It almost drowned out the bedspread.

– Saw a clip that was edited to the point where I was muttering at the guys to hurry up and come already, because it was so cliff-hangery. They did, but on their own schedule. This clip also made me re-evaluate my feelings about the top coming on the bottom’s face, because they managed to make it look hot instead of just kinda bleh.

– I think my guy-orgasms are possibly very wrong. Since I am watching porn, I’m also not inclined to trust that the sex I’m watching is accurately portrayed — plus everyone’s different, so.

– In the clip with the surfboard-that-wasn’t-a-lamp, there was a mild editing hiccup and, for the first time in the history of ever (at least for my porn-watching career), there was lube! No prep, outside of a rubber and the lube, but it’s more than I’ve seen before.

– Saw a clip that started off hot and veered sharply into ‘Okay, SERIOUSLY Creepy!’ territory — the top had this ribbon/leather thong/something around his wrist, and while he was fucking the bottom, he untied it. Then he pulled the bottom’s hands back and tied them together, without so much as a ‘do you mind?’. From what I could tell, the guy could have escaped pretty easily, and in the next shot it looked like the restraint had come undone, but it was still borderline non-con which sat weirdly with me.

– The above clip was all in French, which was cool. I couldn’t really hear the dialogue, what there was of it, but the bits I could hear I understood!

– Saw another clip in German, I think, featuring cute but painfully skinny boys. I wanted to watch them eat sandwiches instead of fuck. It had subtitles!

– The surfboard clip also made me feel somewhat better about Herbert’s SoC sex-talk. I’d like to think that Herbert’s sounds a little more natural, though.

What I got was Boy Butter.

I can totally see Finch insisting on Boy Butter, or better yet insisting that Herbert buy it to use while they’re out of town, because it’s the kind of thing that would make Herbert twitchy to carry around in his luggage. (He’d be fidgety over a bottle of plain ol’ KY, but not twitchy.) … And in fact I can see Finch surrepititiously removing all lubes from their luggage in order to force the purchase of Boy Butter just so he could watch Herbert squirm (yes, it’s intentional). Finch is a consummate brat, if you hadn’t guessed.

What I was actually curious about is whether lube was available for purchase in the mid-1920’s. I choose the weirdest things to be accurate about — I don’t care about sidewalks or busses because it’s my story and I can have busses and sidewalks if I wanna, but underwear and lube have to be true-to-life? WELCOME TO MY HEAD, PLEASE KEEP HANDS AND ARMS INSIDE THE VEHICLE AT ALL TIMES.

Via Warren Ellis — tell the world that you’re not ashamed of your onanastic ways: liberal masturbator shirts (and more).

Apparently, Nerve.com is going to be changing, and it doesn’t sound good.

From the article:

Nerve “is going to be a smart [online] magazine that covers sex, dating, relationships, entertainment and all things of interest for a growing readership” of single adults, says new CEO Sean Mills, who was most recently President of the arch humor outpost The Onion.

The most significant change to Nerve, which launched in 1997, will be in how little nudity will be on the revamped site. Mills said that Nerve’s premium and members-only photo archives, which contain many photos that display substantial expanses of naked skin, will be spun off into a new, as-yet-untitled external subscription site.

So, while rereading something I’d sent to Mari, I happened to notice that one of the ads along the edge of it was for ‘Mistress’ stuff at Cafe Press. So, I took a look, just to see… Some of the stuff isn’t anything I’d ever buy or wear (a junior’s spaghetti-strap tank reading ‘Mistress’ toilet’ with an arrow pointing upward? Really? Um, EW, for several reasons.), but some things are making me wish I’d not spent all of my vacation money on, well, vacation.

For instance, there’s a shirt reading “There WILL be pain involved. But only if you ask nicely.” Or you can wear the definition of ’submissive’ on your chest. Tell the world how much She Who Must Be Obeyed means to you with a bumpersticker. Fair warning for the rest of your household… And sometimes, the safest thing to do is just smile and say ‘Yes, Mistress!’. I think my favorite thing, so far, is the various items emblazoned with “Everything means another spanking.” (Though I have to say that I’d have put ‘everything’ in all caps or in italics while the rest was in plain text, but that’s just me.)

Some things are badly spelled, or poorly punctuated, but there are gems to be found.