Dirty Sheets

Archive for July, 2009

They’re wonderful to listen to, because they know loads about cycling (and they’re funny!), but best of all is when they teach me (and, okay, several million other people) new slang. F’rinstance, one of them (Phil, I think) just used the phrase “broken his duck” in reference to Armstrong winning stage 20 in the 2005 Tour de France (an individual time trial). My first thought was that it was analogous to “busted [pronoun]’s cherry”, but it’s not — well, not exactly. It’s short for “broken his duck’s egg”, meaning “finally scored points”, either for the first time or for the first time in a long time.

I think it could be used to mean having lost one’s virginity, personally. I’m inclined to pop it into my Welsh Boys story.

– I like to look at the junk in the background of clips. Sometimes it’s because I recognize things (“Hey! That [item] is from Ikea! Hee!”); other times it’s because I can’t figure out what the hell I’m looking at (“Is that a lamp? No, it’s surfboard. No, that’s a surfboard; that other thing’s a lamp. I think.”); and sometimes it’s because I really like whatever it is (“I really wish I know how to find out where they got that [whatever]“).

– I watched a clip with loud cheesy music. It almost drowned out the bedspread.

– Saw a clip that was edited to the point where I was muttering at the guys to hurry up and come already, because it was so cliff-hangery. They did, but on their own schedule. This clip also made me re-evaluate my feelings about the top coming on the bottom’s face, because they managed to make it look hot instead of just kinda bleh.

– I think my guy-orgasms are possibly very wrong. Since I am watching porn, I’m also not inclined to trust that the sex I’m watching is accurately portrayed — plus everyone’s different, so.

– In the clip with the surfboard-that-wasn’t-a-lamp, there was a mild editing hiccup and, for the first time in the history of ever (at least for my porn-watching career), there was lube! No prep, outside of a rubber and the lube, but it’s more than I’ve seen before.

– Saw a clip that started off hot and veered sharply into ‘Okay, SERIOUSLY Creepy!’ territory — the top had this ribbon/leather thong/something around his wrist, and while he was fucking the bottom, he untied it. Then he pulled the bottom’s hands back and tied them together, without so much as a ‘do you mind?’. From what I could tell, the guy could have escaped pretty easily, and in the next shot it looked like the restraint had come undone, but it was still borderline non-con which sat weirdly with me.

– The above clip was all in French, which was cool. I couldn’t really hear the dialogue, what there was of it, but the bits I could hear I understood!

– Saw another clip in German, I think, featuring cute but painfully skinny boys. I wanted to watch them eat sandwiches instead of fuck. It had subtitles!

– The surfboard clip also made me feel somewhat better about Herbert’s SoC sex-talk. I’d like to think that Herbert’s sounds a little more natural, though.

I’ve got NO clue where any of this is going. I already know I suck at spy-stuff; I suck at any plot that’s any more complicated than ‘will-they/won’t-they’.

Notes/Warnings: Almost no one has names, no explicit sex, and a lot of guy-talk.

“So there I was, gearing up for, like, my own personal Kessel Run, and I swear to God that this seven-foot-tall Russian model comes slinkin’ outta my bedroom wearin’ nothin’ but a smile-”
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