Dirty Sheets

Archive for June, 2009

What I got was Boy Butter.

I can totally see Finch insisting on Boy Butter, or better yet insisting that Herbert buy it to use while they’re out of town, because it’s the kind of thing that would make Herbert twitchy to carry around in his luggage. (He’d be fidgety over a bottle of plain ol’ KY, but not twitchy.) … And in fact I can see Finch surrepititiously removing all lubes from their luggage in order to force the purchase of Boy Butter just so he could watch Herbert squirm (yes, it’s intentional). Finch is a consummate brat, if you hadn’t guessed.

What I was actually curious about is whether lube was available for purchase in the mid-1920’s. I choose the weirdest things to be accurate about — I don’t care about sidewalks or busses because it’s my story and I can have busses and sidewalks if I wanna, but underwear and lube have to be true-to-life? WELCOME TO MY HEAD, PLEASE KEEP HANDS AND ARMS INSIDE THE VEHICLE AT ALL TIMES.

I had never head of Millionaires until about 5 minutes ago. I watched the incredibly fun, if somewhat annoyingly edited, amazingly dirty (in a good way!) video for Just Got Paid; Let’s Get Laid. Guys on leashes, curvy girls, stockings, free-flowing drinks and cash, and an oddly stuttery sound that for some reason doesn’t irritate me as much as it maybe should.

…From the way Finch is grinning at me, I’d say yeah, he’d listen to this. Probably at loud volume on a sunny day so that it poured out of the car while Herbert tried not to cringe. (Of course, nowadays Herbert would most likely just sing right along, thereby depriving Finch of some of the entertainment value to be found in pissing Herbert off; however the fact that Herbert was being just as awful would probably make up for his not being embarrassed. Heh, Herbert’s weird.

From my gmail targeted ads:

Morning Wood Lumber Tee
Get It On A T-Shirt, Hoodie, Or Bag All Sizes For Men, Women, & Kids!
www.NoiseBot.com

Yeah, I don’t think I’d buy that for my kid(s). (Or myself, but that’s beside the point.)

I don’t get it. I have written sex scenes ranging from the stupidly oblique (O hai, Marc/Vic first time!) to featuring exceeding explicit dialogue (Finch/Herbert fucking in the kitchen/living room). I have written mostly mansex, with occasional forays into straight-vanilla territory (hey Carrot, Ilsther).

WHY THE FUCK IS WRITING JASPER/PEREGRINE SO FUCKING HARD? (and please ignore all of the totally unintentional puns in that despairing cry, kthx)

I love parts of it — Jasper’s bit about royal balls being my absolute favorite because it’s just SO AWFUL — but I’m FINALLY to the bit where they just get on with getting it on and I am seriously stuck. I open the file, reread it, stare at the end, try to come up with the next line, and all I can do is “Peregrine fucked him; they both liked it and they came; MOVE ON TO NEXT SCENE THANKS.” which totally doesn’t work in something that’s going to be submitted.

And I AM GOING TO SUBMIT IT, even if it kills me, because I wasn’t going to write the damn thing in the first place and it’s almost DONE, now, EXCEPT FOR THE FUCKING. AND IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE TO START ON THE STEADFAST TIN SOLDIER.

The deadline for getting stories in is the seventh of July. It’s already the 18th of June. (Okay, so I probably COULD retell TSTS, but I’d have to hurry and since retelling that one requires ripping some of the more important internal organs out and stuffing clockwork bastardizations in their place (i.e. I fucking HATE the end of TSTS. MY version would have a HAPPY ending. Plus there’s a few changes I’d have to wedge in to meet the ‘please include HAWT SEXXORS’ requirement of the sub call. And now I seriously want to write it because I suddenly had a flash of the titular Soldier being a female and that way I can keep the pretty dancer as a female and GOOD LORD I DON’T HAVE TIME!)

*Whimpering sigh* Okay, I feel better now. I still don’t know what’s the matter with me, but at least I’ve gotten the freaking out over with.

Because everything dirty’s better in French. *Eyebrow wiggle* (…And yeah, I know, that can mean ‘kiss me, please’; I remember when the movie of nearly the same name came over here and there was a discussion of how you were actually supposed to interpret/translate the title.)

Seriously, though, I do find myself more inclined to wear shirts that say things like ‘baisez moi’ or ‘casse-toi cherie’ if they’re in French. I kind of like the idea behind the shirts at Locher’s, but aside from the casse-toi shirt and the one that reads ‘just* good boys get presents‘, I wouldn’t wear any of them. It’s entirely me — either I don’t like the shape or the cut or the colors or the design. (And besides, with my linebacker’s shoulders, I doubt they’d fit.)

However, they do have some accessories that I’d wear in a heartbeat (and some that are perfect for someone else I know. Hee.):

– Try me. I dare you.
– I love everyone! *Smooch*
– I don’t play nice. (This would be one of those perfect for someone else, because I am Miss Marshmallow.)
– Not domesticated (“All you had to do was vaccuum!” “I hate housework.” “Ten stroke for you, then.” “Yes, Miss.”)
– And of course the foregoing falls under the heading of this one: Fun And Games!

One of the more interesting things about the pictures on those pendents is the fact that most of them have the women’s eyes covered with black bars. I’m pretty sure that was a ’60’s porn/BDSM mag convention, but it strikes me as being very… Instead of “protecting” her identity, it’s taking it away. It’s not quite as bad as photographing or taping porn/erotic stuff and physically framing the shots to keep the head(s)/face(s) out of the picture, but it’s still odd. That’s an entire post on its own, though, so I’ll stop there.

* ARGH. ONLY! ONLYONLYONLY! Only good boys! Aaaaaaaaaigh! *Ahem* I’m better, now.

…my sex is boring. Or at least my descriptions of sex are really kind of dull and samey, now that I’ve been looking at Loving Penetration for the last few minutes. *siiiiigh* I’m sorry, guys! Maybe things will be better, now, though.

I still don’t really get the whole jockstrap-worship thing, but it does amuse me to no end that, viewed from the back, jockstraps make me think of a strap-on. Especially if the picture is a fairly tightly-framed shot of a nice smooth round ass and that’s about it.

but it bothers me when I’m watching a porn clip and the top/penetrator pulls out and then jerks off instead. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but it seems kind of a rude thing to do to the bottom/penetratee unless they ask for it, which from what I’ve observed is somewhat rare. Like I said, it’s entirely possible that I’m the only one who cares.

This post inspired by watching this video of HPFHP-worthy boys getting it on. (NSFW, but neither is this blog, so.)