Dirty Sheets

Archive for the ‘Writing Smut In General’ Category

So, smirky one first: I have this character who declared that he wasn’t sure why, but he likes the way it looks when toppings run over the edge of a cup/glass/cone/cake/etc. After I wrote that, I was looking at pictures and saw a few that featured semen dripping down the backs of guys’ fingers. Et voila, I knew what he found compelling.

Not Smirky: I have this character; let’s call him Nollie Prettypanties (no, it’s not his real name; now I kinda want to have a drag queen/king with that name, though…). Nollie’s fairly kinky, and one of his more recently discovered kinks is that he likes dressing up in women’s underthings.

He likes it primarily because his boyfriend tells him how hot he looks and calls him things like ‘pretty’ and ‘lovely’ and ‘mine all mine’, but he likes the way the fabrics feel and the colors and that sort of thing. He doesn’t have to wear them all the time, but he enjoys it when he does.

As a result of Nollie’s predilection for, well, pretty panties, I’ve poked my nose into all kinds of different lingerie shops online. Cute things, pretty things, unusual things; I’ve saved pictures of all sorts of different styles. About the only thing they’ve had in common is that none of them will fit me.

And this is where the discovery comes in: to an extent, Nollie’s a stand-in for me. He gets to wear the pretty panties and the gorgeous bras that no one wants to sell me. He gets to have someone look at him, in these clothes, and tell him how incredibly desirable he is, how sexy and arousing. He gets to be called pet names, given pleasure, and generally be loved.

If I didn’t know that my situation was pretty much my own damn fault (except for the bra thing, because it’s not like I chose the size of my ribcage), I’d be far more upset than I am. Mostly I’m just kind of sad, really. I’m also glad, though, because despite the fact that Nollie gets the things I want, he’s very definitely NOT me, nor is he a Gary Stu.

xkcd: Porn For Women.

This is awesome and must be passed around as much as possible, because, seriously. In my porn, people fuck. And they LIKE it.

What I got was Boy Butter.

I can totally see Finch insisting on Boy Butter, or better yet insisting that Herbert buy it to use while they’re out of town, because it’s the kind of thing that would make Herbert twitchy to carry around in his luggage. (He’d be fidgety over a bottle of plain ol’ KY, but not twitchy.) … And in fact I can see Finch surrepititiously removing all lubes from their luggage in order to force the purchase of Boy Butter just so he could watch Herbert squirm (yes, it’s intentional). Finch is a consummate brat, if you hadn’t guessed.

What I was actually curious about is whether lube was available for purchase in the mid-1920’s. I choose the weirdest things to be accurate about — I don’t care about sidewalks or busses because it’s my story and I can have busses and sidewalks if I wanna, but underwear and lube have to be true-to-life? WELCOME TO MY HEAD, PLEASE KEEP HANDS AND ARMS INSIDE THE VEHICLE AT ALL TIMES.

I don’t get it. I have written sex scenes ranging from the stupidly oblique (O hai, Marc/Vic first time!) to featuring exceeding explicit dialogue (Finch/Herbert fucking in the kitchen/living room). I have written mostly mansex, with occasional forays into straight-vanilla territory (hey Carrot, Ilsther).

WHY THE FUCK IS WRITING JASPER/PEREGRINE SO FUCKING HARD? (and please ignore all of the totally unintentional puns in that despairing cry, kthx)

I love parts of it — Jasper’s bit about royal balls being my absolute favorite because it’s just SO AWFUL — but I’m FINALLY to the bit where they just get on with getting it on and I am seriously stuck. I open the file, reread it, stare at the end, try to come up with the next line, and all I can do is “Peregrine fucked him; they both liked it and they came; MOVE ON TO NEXT SCENE THANKS.” which totally doesn’t work in something that’s going to be submitted.

And I AM GOING TO SUBMIT IT, even if it kills me, because I wasn’t going to write the damn thing in the first place and it’s almost DONE, now, EXCEPT FOR THE FUCKING. AND IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE TO START ON THE STEADFAST TIN SOLDIER.

The deadline for getting stories in is the seventh of July. It’s already the 18th of June. (Okay, so I probably COULD retell TSTS, but I’d have to hurry and since retelling that one requires ripping some of the more important internal organs out and stuffing clockwork bastardizations in their place (i.e. I fucking HATE the end of TSTS. MY version would have a HAPPY ending. Plus there’s a few changes I’d have to wedge in to meet the ‘please include HAWT SEXXORS’ requirement of the sub call. And now I seriously want to write it because I suddenly had a flash of the titular Soldier being a female and that way I can keep the pretty dancer as a female and GOOD LORD I DON’T HAVE TIME!)

*Whimpering sigh* Okay, I feel better now. I still don’t know what’s the matter with me, but at least I’ve gotten the freaking out over with.

These may find their way into something, sooner or later. Fiction, most likely, but “my hands” would be nice, too.

Ecstagony has quite a bit of BDSM-related stuff, including but not limited to a dictionary of implements of punishment. The very quick overview I managed looked pretty good; I’ll have to come back to it later.

From the rules for a call for submissions (and given the theme of the anthologies, I giggle every time I read that phrase):

My biggest pet peeve with the submissions I’ve rejected in the past is lack of characterization/jumping into the BDSM scene too quickly.

[snip!]Stories should be 1,500 – 4,000 words[...]

Okay, so you don’t want things to move too quickly, but…you don’t want more than 4,000 words. This doesn’t make sense, to me — if you want character pieces, or you want stories that only touch on BDSM in oblique ways (rather than being the focus/driving force), then you need to say so.

Maybe I’m completely confused, or totally naive, but I kind of thought the point of BDSM – whatever point in the graph you occupy – was that spelling things out; being clear and precise about what you actually want (or don’t) was one of the main underpinnings. That’s what attracts my attention, anyhow — I much prefer it when people actually say what they mean to say, instead of saying something and expecting others to some how intuit or interpret what it is they intend.

…But again, I could be talking through out of my hat, too. It’s been known to happen. *Sigh* I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to write anything for this particular call for submissions… Maybe I should just ask what it is that the editor actually wants in terms of stories. I mean, they did mention it in the text that came with the guidelines/rules, but looking at the two things I pulled out above just makes me wonder. Or maybe I’m overthinking! Gah. Time for a nap.

…but nothing useful therein. *Sigh* *Laugh* Oh well. Anyhow, things that shoooould be up here in the near future include, but may not be limited to:
– More Carrot/Ilsther smutty fun
– Carrot and porn
– The long-promised Caleb Gets Spanked piece
– Conrad and Rick get busy

I’ve been on a real roll, of late (writing at least a little something every day since last Tuesday, I think), and I’m going to try to keep it up. If I can get something submittable, I may even do it! Submitting what, where, by when I don’t know yet, but I’ve got a few leads to check.

I really think I’d rather write fiction for a living than do anything else. I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to do so — the current Amazon debacle is beginning to make me wonder if I’m just doomed to be some sort of Office Bitch for the rest of my life. *whimper*

I think it’s because I have more than enough of my own excited follicles to last me a lifetime, but I really don’t like hairy men. They’re just… Ew. *Flaps hands* I know there are plenty of people out there, male and female, who think that I’m insane for feeling this way, but there it is. I just don’t like it. This is not to say I demand all men to be as hairless as the bottom of a baby’s foot, because I don’t mind _some_ hair — it just has to be where I think it “should” be, namely: under arms, on forearms/legs, groin, and last but not least between navel and groin. I’m sort of torn on stubble; on the one hand I occasionally find it extremely attractive, other times not so much. While I _do_ appreciate a full head of hair, balding and bald can be hot, too.

All of the foregoing was just so I could say this: that’s why pretty much none of my characters has hair except where it’s “supposed” to be, male or female. (And weirdly enough, I think that ALL of my female characters are all-natural down south. *Blinkblink* I didn’t know that until just now. Well, okay, so I knew Carrot was, but that’s mostly because when I came across “have a bit of curly greens” as a euphemism for ‘having sex’, she about fell overboard she was laughing so hard. When she calmed down, she pointed out that her drapes match the carpet, which is composed indeed of “curly greens”. And then she laughed some more.)